The "Ex" Factor: Is It Acceptable To Keep In Contact With Ex's When In A Commited Relationship?

5.24.2011



You meet a guy and you fall for him. You date, things get serious. Hopefully, before things get serious you discover he's got "friends", old "friends" that are Ex-Girl type of "friends".

Are you coo with this?

Some couples are alright with this. I even have a friend who's boyfriend is best friends with her ex. That's a long, long story I don't care to get into right now though, but you can do the math on that.

I had been in this situation before, I wasn't necessarily in a serious relationship but I had just gotten out of a serious relationship. I didn't really want to let go and he didn't either so we had been talking every now and then (like 3 times a week). He would call just to "see how I was doing" and I would accept his calls. After awhile I realized he just wanted to keep me around for a back up. I knew he was talking to other girls already and I wasn't having it.

In a relationship to me, I can see how still keeping in contact with your Ex is a no, no. It doesn't matter how long you've been friends. It's like you're holding on to the past. But then again, I can see how it might be a straight platonic relationship. I know for some couples this isn't a black or white subject, but there can be some grey area here.

I guess it comes down to the whole trust issue. Some young women can trust their significant other to strickly be friends. You can usually tell who is and isn't sincerely a "friend". And if you can't just be honest and ask the guy. If he's lying you should be able to tell that too.

Here's 3 ways to tell if she/he just a friend:

1. His tone of voice
Listen to his tone of voice when he talks to you and when he talks to that female friend. Is there any difference? There should be...

2. His Call Log
Now ladies, I know we don't always have access to his cell but if you can, check his call log. You should be able to see who he's talked to texted, etc.(If he's not super slick, and this would be a post for another day :P )

3. Does he talk about her or do you have to ask?
Shouldn't have to ask who "she" is. If she's just a friend you should already know.


Click here to view old school classic by Biz Markie-"Just A Friend"

Leave your comments.....Let's get a discussion going!

4 comments:

  1. Currently, my bf isn't a type of guy who talks about his ex nor he bad mouthing them, which I feel very lucky because I am quite a jealous person. ^__^

    IF my bf does still in close contact with his exes, seriously, I will lose it. I don't care if they been friends like forever because I don't befriend with my exes.

    Overall, I am a jealous person.. ^__^

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  2. I agree that it can be a total gray area! It all depends on the person and situation. I dated a couple of my husband's best friends before we were together (just a couple of dates). And we all still get-together and it's a non-issue. Everyone's married with kids, etc.

    But I do NOT keep contact with the guy I almost married. He is still single, we were way serious, and out of respect for my husband, I think it's wise to just let that go. Even though it's tempting to see what he's up to.

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  3. Hey Shareena,
    I know what you mean. I had to tell my husband before we got married I don't play that, "oh, my ex is just a friend" stuff! I definitly understand the jelously thing.

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  4. Hey Jana,
    Yes, I had a similar situation with the guy I was in a pretty serious relationship with before I got married. Although I run into him from time to time, I kind of wish I didn't.

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