Should You Say Something?

6.28.2011




I’ve never had many girlfriends, the one’s I do have, I cherish those friendships. Friendships are so special and at my age they aren’t very easy to come by. I love my friends and wish the best for them. When I feel they’re doing something that may harm them emotionally or physically I say something. I mean no one wants to see their friend hurt, right?

Let me tell you a story about my friend, who I’ve known for almost ten years. For the sake of this article let’s call her Amber.
My friend Amber and I have known each other since freshman year of college. We’ve both shared our ups and down with guys, and were always open to discussing issues dealing with dating and relationships.

One day we met for lunch and she was catching me up on what was going on in her life and her new boo she was seeing. She had told me a little bit about this guy when we had spoken on the phone and he sounded really great. They had been dating for about a three months; he was a successful independent business owner and was very well off. He lived in a very nice house, drove a nice car and was about 10 years older than her.

He sounded coo to me, even though he was a bit older than her and definitely sounded more experienced. I personally didn’t like older men, but they say age ain’t nothing but a number, so I didn’t really pay it any mind. When we got into the conversation further she started telling me more details and that the man wasn’t legally divorced from his wife, but they were supposedly separated.

Also that he really hadn’t been taking her out on dates, but he’s been doing the whole wine and dine thing at her house because he says that, “I don’t really like to go out to eat.”
She went on about how He had 3 kids and his relationship with his first wife didn’t really work out.
“When did he tell you this” I asked. She replied about a week ago. The more Amber was going into the story the more it sounded like this guy was trying to hide stuff.
I mean, who dates someone and they don’t want you to know where they live. He says they don’t go out really because doesn’t have the time, and he only see’s you after 8pm.

Needless to say my friend got very annoyed and then preceded to tell me it was none of my business what she was doing and that she knew what she was getting into. And to stop judging her.We then got into a heated conversation about the whole deceitfulness of men and I told her I just cared about her and her well-being and I wasn't trying to judge her, just help.

Amber did end up apologizing in the end after she came to her sense and ended it, but I then wondered, should I have said anything in the first place?

If you have a good friend, you love them and you care about them. But sometime they can think that you’re trying to tell them how to live their life or interfere.

Do you say something if a friend does something you think is morally wrong?
Or do you not say something and risk your friend coming back to you hurt or worse?

COMMENTS?

8 comments:

  1. Yes you should've, in the first place. But at least your friend was helped in time :)

    As a rule, personally, I try not to get into any of my friends affairs...especially regarding relationships. I'm a little rough and believe in calling things out JUST as they really are. They're don't really big fans of THAT. So many times I end up being by myself--but I ain't never mad :) And by the time they come back ro ask me what I think--just to see what I'm going to say, it's already obvious they've messed up, therefore "the truth" at that point is too late...but still helpful if they should go there THAT again. Look like they would take the truth over into the next situation that looks similar...but as rule people don't never believe it could happen twice.

    Good post!

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  2. Thanks for your comment Tuesdai! Yeah, I'm so used to being honest with my friends and defintly didnt see that she would get offended by my opinion. But she got defensive because she knew in her heart it was wrong.

    -Nikki

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  3. Hey hun! First off, thanks so much for commenting my blog! It helped lead me to yours :) And I must say - I'm happy to "meet" another writer/blogger out there - especially one who does such an awesome job w/ short stories. I'm now following you :D

    Now in reference to your friend - I think you absolutely should have said what you said. As a friend, you obviously care and I'm a firm believer in keeping it real with your friends. With that being said, if she's not trying to here your advice, that's on her. You don't have to shove your opinion down her throat (which is doesn't sound like you were doing in the first place), just make sure she knows how you feel about it for her own good. If she doesn't want to make a chance, then you can't make her.

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  4. Interesting discussion! I agree that you did the right thing by mentioning it to her. And like Carrymel said, you didn't shove it down her throat or keep hounding her about it. I would expect my friends to bring up something I wouldn't want to hear, and I'd probably be upset, but most people will eventually come around in the end. And the friendship will most likely still be intact.

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  5. Hey Carrymel,

    I appreciate the follow darlin! Glad we met! It's so awesome connecting with people who share the same interests as you. Thanks for the comment as well on this topic!

    I had someone tell me that I should have kept my mouth shut and let her do what she does. I was like "what kind of friend am I to let her if I do keep my mouth shut" that's why I wrote this post to ask all of y'all.
    Glad we agree! It just seems that keepin' it real can go wrong sometimes. But in the end she "said" she stopped talking to him cause she realized it for herself something wasn't right about him.

    -Nikki

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  6. Hey Jana,

    Yeah I didn't force it down her throat, but the way she reacted you would have thought I had! It's so funny how people want to ask your opinion and then get mad when you tell them the truth.

    As always, thanks for the comment dear!!!

    -Nikki <3

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  7. lol I like this post. I think you did the right thing, but I personally wouldn't have said anything. This is because I am the most opinionated person within my friendship groups, and when I don't say anything over a suspect situation, my friends usually try to anticipate what I'm not saying. Talking about a problem in a relationship means admitting that there is a problem with it, so it's likely she was more angry with herself during the discussion than with you lol X

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  8. Hey Kam,

    Thanks for the follow and for the comment!
    You're right she was more mad at herself than at me.

    -Nikki :)

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