9.21.2011

Friendships After the College Years

 

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My earliest recollection was probably somewhere around my kindergarten years. I remember it very clearly, the little girl in a dress and little leggings outfit that looked just like the turquoise and white one I was wearing with hearts on it. She had red hair and freckles and her name was Merdith. “What’s your name?”, she asked me. swiveling her shoulders shyly back and forth. “Nicole”, I answered. “My name’s Meridith, wanna go play?”

It was that simple, we were friends from then on until I transferred to a different school that is.

So many things happen in our lives after college. We get married, have kids, more to different cities and work so much that it doesn’t even hardly allow for a social life. I found that the few male friends (and I mean strictly platonic male friends)  I did have before marriage totally disappeared when they found out I was engaged. <------This is definitely a blog post topic for another day.

I’ve always been a fairly shy and quiet person. I am way more outgoing than I was in high school though. College some how brought out a more outspoken person, I guess since I didn’t have anyone to speak up for me any more and I was basically on my own. But even before then some how I attracted people to me. I guess the where curious about the quiet girl, maybe I looked interesting. I don’t know but I sure wasn’t ever the first person to introduce myself in group setting or in class.

I remember when I was about to graduate from high school and my parents were driving me and my other two home girls some where to eat, and she told us to enjoy each other now. The friends we have now will not be the friends we have in 10 years. We all looked at each other like, “what in the heck is she talking about, we’ll still be friends!” Needless to say my mom was right. One out of two of that crew I talk to on a regular basis. The other, I we fell out of contact about 5 years ago.

Being that I’m in my late 20’s, I’m finding it harder and harder to make friends, let alone maintain the friendships. It’s something I know I have to work on though. Sure, there’s Facebook and other social apps but what about actually talking to someone in person. Sometimes I wonder do people even talk on the phone anymore? I’m not a big fan of talking on the phone (text messaging is a bad habit for me, I even talk to my mom and dad this way instead of phone convo) I don’t know about you but I still enjoy a good phone convo from time to time. Anyways….

I guess the problem with making friends when you’re older is that adults have all these hang ups. Especially women. I don’t like her hair or ugghhh why is she dressed like that? I guess when we were kids it was more about who’s kickball team you were gonna be on, or who was going to turn the ropes today for double dutch or who’s house you were going over after school.

I can say that making friends with out being in school is a lot harder. You have your co-workers at work, your brothers and sisters in Christ at church, and any other groups you may be in but some people look at you crazy when you’re friendly, or even stop to say, “Hi, how are you doing today?”

I’m definitely going to work on keeping in touch with the wonderful friends I have. Sounds cliché’ but it’s soooo true! The older you get, the fewer the true, true friends you have. Sounds cliché’ but it’s soooo true!

4 comments:

  1. It's so weird not being able to walk down the hall and hang out with friends anymore, but that's not life, you know? This is when you have to work extra hard to keep in touch with people. I think I'm pretty good with texting, but you have to make sure that both you and the people you want to keep in contact with are making the effort. And you have to also make sure you see them when you can.

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  2. Wow Nicole, I soooo enjoyed reading this post. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I am 26 years old and I have such a hard time making new friends and I was beginning to think something was wrong with me.

    After reading this, I'm starting to realize that it was easier to form bonds when we were younger. We only needed to have a few commonalities to want to share time with each other. There were no work schedules involved, schedule conflicts, or in my case, a husband and children at home.

    Then too, little girls sometimes grow up to be superficial women who don't want to befriend someone if (like you mentioned) they don't like their hair, or they have bad fashion or whatever.... Sometimes just weeding through the cattiness is enough to keep me content with eating lunch alone.

    I am, however, gonna make an effort to keep in contact with the tried and true friends I've had for years to show that I appreciate our friendships.

    Thank you so much for sharing this! And I can't wait until you write a post about your male friends disappearing since you've been engaged. I'm having the same thing happen with me now that I'm married :(

    Great post, girlie <3

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  3. Hey Carymel,

    Yes, it is true. I do sometime miss walking through the halls and seeing folk on a daily basis on campus or throughout the halls or hanging out with your girls in the dorm. I know, I know I've been out of college for awhile but I still miss the convienience of it all. Most of my friends are still in the same city and we don't see each other that often and it bothers me. Friendship is an effort that does have to be expressed on both ends. Otherwise like a relationship, the friendship dies.

    Great to hear from you girly!!!

    -Nikki :)

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  4. Hey Miss Dre,

    I'm so glad we relate on this!!! I will be sure to do the post on male friends disappearing after I got married.

    I too had started to think something was wrong with me, but I too would rather eat lunch or sit in the house and chill rather than try to fit in with catty-like girls who backstab.

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